Post by phulishone on Oct 12, 2007 14:26:47 GMT -5
First, I want to say that Lord of Blades has been contacted for many stages of this character's creation. He approved every single one. He's still waiting on a backstory (I'm working on it, I swear!)
Secondly... *the music to Beverly Hillbillies starts to play*
Player name: Phule
Character Name: Jed
Aliases: Grave Clown, Killed Joke, Undying Fool, Giggling Guide, Spectral Singer, Secret Keeper
Race: Taunting Haunt (6 HD, LA +2)
Classes: Bard 5 / Dirgesinger 2
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Occupation: Vrtra's Exarch, Her Majesty's Jester, Vecna's Mouthpeice
HP: 90
AC: 35 (normal) ; 26 (touch) ; 27 (flat-footed)
BAB: +5
Appearance: At first glance, Jed looks human. But then you begin to notice the differences. For one, normal human’s don’t float inches above the ground for no reason. For another, normal humans don’t cackle with mad glee when something – anything – dies.
Jed, as undead, is always a bit on the pasty white side. Jed pushes this further by using a special vial of undead clown makeup, painting his face an almost glowing white, a large fake mouth in purple with outlines for the teeth, and a black skull on one eye.
His motley is really, well, motley. Falling apart at the seams, it would seem, is something Jed enjoys. He doesn’t patch any of his black and purple motley, preferring it to be easily seen that there isn’t really skin underneath. Just a ghostly absence of it. He takes care of a few things, however, as he does have a rather unusual collection of magical items.
His gloves are intricately designed to allow maximum mobility, and as he twirls around gleefully in the air, five bells tingle from off his right arm, and six bells from his left. The amulet around his neck seems to strengthen his unearthly skin, and it holds clasped a truly vicious – and impressive – looking cloak. Adorning his pasty white skull is not only an outrageous mane of bright purple hair, but also a simple circlet of gold, whose runes shines oddly in the glint of any light.
The more truly interesting part of Jed’s collection is a black and grey plaid set of bagpipes, the horns of which are made out of hollow bones. Jed is particularly skilled at playing them, and his silver ringed fingers deftly let out an eerie, yet pleasant, tune.
History:
“Shhhh. He’s coming.”
“Grrrraaaa…”
“That’s ‘Grrrraaaa, sir’, to you, buddy.” Something wispy pulled a cord, and there was a splash and a clunk as a bucket of water toppled from a precarious perch onto someone else’s head.
“JED!” Shouted the bucket. “I’m gonna kill you!”
“Can’t kill what’s already dead!” Jeddidiah T. Haunt laughed a mocking laugh and floated up into the air, grabbing at his toes and chest in hilarity. The zombie that had helped go fill the bucket with water gave another unintelligent grunt before staring into space stupidly.
“No, but I can make you go away!” The bucket was still angry.
“Not if you can’t catch me.” With that, Jed floated through the ceiling into the floor above. The zombie was left behind.
“JED!” Bucket-head shouted fruitlessly one more time.
“Oh, what fun it is to be dead.” Jed smiled wistfully. He looked around in this new room and grinned. It was a kitchen, a rare thing in the Queen’s palace of mostly undying ‘living’ dead. Vrtra, Dragon of Dread, Queen of the Dead, did have living servants, but their life expectancy was typically short; though their ‘retirement plan’, as Jed called it, did have some benefits. One of which was that they’d become, at the very least, a mindless zombie when they passed. If they were really good servants, and Her Most Dreadfulness was in (what passed for) a good mood, they might do better than that. Until they died, however, they needed to eat. So therefore there were a couple places in the Necropolis of the Lost where they could make food.
“You know, hoss, we could really stir up some trouble in this kitchen.” Something at Jed’s hip said in a snarky voice.
“Hey, Denny, that’s a good one. Stir up trouble… kitchen!” Jed giggled almost mindlessly. The black dagger at his hip giggled with him. It was strange, but they made a good pair. “So what do you suggest, oh ye of the pointed wit?”
“Well, I say we find out where all the spices are, and switch the labels.”
“Oh, classic. You sir, are truly unholy. The Master of all that is Secret and Hidden would be proud.” Jed, unlike some of Vrtra’s followers, actually believed in gods and goddesses. It all made a certain sense in Jed’s ghostly head, that if there were dragons who owned the world, then they must have taken it from the people who made the world. When Jed was alive, he spread the will of Vecna, god of secrets, to the masses. After being killed and winding up in Vrtra’s service, Jed didn’t see a problem with continued belief. The way Jed saw it was that if Vecna had had a choice, he would be working with – or under – Vrtra as well. So Jed served Vecna by serving Vrtra. Simple.
Jed went about opening and shutting the cabinets and drawers and finally found the spice rack. He and ‘Denny’ – what Jed called his Dagger of Denial friend – made mental notes as to which was which… and then switched the labels.
“Shall we wait, hoss?”
“Oh, yes, lets.” Jed flew up into a cabinet and closed the door, looking around the building for any odd glows of life. Bucket Head was storming around, trying to find where Jed had gone, but Jed wasn’t worried. The idiot was a lowly necromancer who didn’t know better. Jed was a full fledged Exarch of Vrtra, and as such, could handle himself. You don’t get to be so high up in the Necropolis without being useful.
And Jed made himself useful. Oh, sure, he wasn’t the strongest minion, the best fighter, the quickest, or the sneakiest, but Jed knew a lot. Jed felt that Her Majesty did not normally admit lack of knowledge, and Jed was always nearby – could feel her at this very moment, in fact – ready to answer a question about this place or that man or some such, under the careful pretense of her testing him. Or so Jed suspected. She might actually be testing him. Either way, Jed answered as best he could. And if Jed didn’t know, he’d go and find out. Quickly.
On top of that, Jed had always been quite the bit of a performer. Even when alive, Jed could really make a lovely tune on his bagpipes. He almost missed the old bag that was his first set or pipes. But they weren’t made of hollow bones, nor stitched with the sinews of the freshly killed like Jed’s current bagpipes. And while Her Great Undeathness hadn’t said yet that she liked hearing Jed’s ghastly tunes, she had not immediately destroyed him either, nor told him to stop. Jed saw this as a good sign, and whenever Vrtra was in her queenly form, he would play a bit for her… much to some of the other Exarchs’ chagrin. But since Vrtra hadn’t told Jed to stop – yet – he felt confident that all they would do is enjoy his playing in public, and complain about it later if they wanted.
Jed made certain to learn who was complaining. That was the other thing Jed did well. With Denny’s encouragement, Jed went about and collected secrets. Together, the two of them knew which spymaster was cheating with which noble’s wife (or with the noble themselves), which ghoul liked which zombie, and who it was that killed who. Jed then taunted and teased the living ones relentlessly, mostly until they chose to kill themselves. Jed would then get their corpses and possibly their spirits back to Vrtra or one of the better necromancers (definitely not Bucket Head) to have them raised under the Queen of the Dead’s service.
As such, most of the others in Vrtra’s service treated Jed with a certain amount of… feigned respect. Those who didn’t were either secure enough in their position to not care, too stupid to realize that if you treat the Taunting Haunt nicely, he won’t mock you – too much – or they actually did respect Jed for some reason. When Jed found one of these people, undead or otherwise, he was actively elated, and chose to actually give them only a friendly ribbing instead of full out derision. Unless, of course, Vrtra ordered otherwise.
That was the only niggling thing on Jed’s mind. He couldn’t quite remember how he ended up working for Vrtra. Oh, he knew precisely how he died, and the reason why he wouldn’t be moving on to the ‘next world’ anytime soon – not something he’ll ever share with anyone, ever, not even Denny or Vrtra Herself… if she doesn’t know – but after he mocked his murderer into suicide, Jed kind of lost track of time and some of his memory… right up to the point where he found the Necropolis of the Lost and was swearing his, literally, undying service to Her Most Lichiest of Liches.
Jed has, of course, never regretted it. What bard would? There’s a certain amount of job satisfaction when you are a real fool to royalty. You are privy to a great deal of secrets, you get to meet all sorts of interesting people (in Jed’s case, dead people), and so long as you learn where the line is, you can even make fun of your boss - not that Jed has ever tried. Vrtra’s ‘line’ is known only to Vrtra, and Jed doesn’t dare probe into Her Eternal Majesty’s thoughts. Though Jed couldn’t be killed – not really – it was still uncomfortable to rebuild himself from pure essence, and he was quite certain that Vrtra could and would do far worse than that. If nothing else, her displeasure would mean that some of Jed’s toys would get taken away from him.
A human in dark black chain mail walked into the kitchen. His lifeforce was a bright shimmer light for Jed as it moved about making lunch.
Jed liked magical things. He didn’t know why. Even when he was alive, he had a certain fascination for magic and it’s creations. When he joined Vrtra, he was gifted with his bagpipes, and told that they were but a trifling compared to what he could earn if he remained loyal to her. And Jed soon found out this was more than the truth. So he worked hard and enjoyed his tasks for Vrtra, and was rewarded with items for his collection. Right now, Jed was working towards getting a permanent lackey. Denny was nice, but as the dagger was constantly reminding Jed, they were partners, with the dagger being the senior member of the team. So Jed wanted a real minion of his very own to order around when he felt like it. It wasn’t a magical item, sure, but it would be nice. He’d bring it up next time Vrtra was in a giving mood. Or seemed to be in a giving mood. More likely, the next time she asked him what he wanted as a reward for a job well done. Not that she’d be likely to use those exact words.
The more Jed thought about it, the more uncertain he was that he really knew Vrtra. All he knew is that he hadn’t upset her… yet… and wasn’t planning on crossing her… ever. Vecna would be displeased if Jed did. Of that, Jed was certain.
Say, hoss? Should we really have switched the flour with the sugar? Denny thought into Jed’s head.
Jed nodded his head and giggled quietly.
I only say something, cause he’s putting flour all over that sugar cake he’s making… For that matter, what is a big tough blackguard like him doing making a sugar cake?
Jed shrugged, and thought at Denny, Don’t know, but we’ll use it against him later.
That was the other reason Jed stayed here. When Vrtra didn’t need him, he had all sorts of people to torment. It was a good unlife. Jed hoped to keep it that way.
Other notes:
(working on it)
STR: ---
DEX: 26 (+8)
CON: ---
INT: 18 (+4)
WIS: 16 (+3)
CHA: 26 (+8)
Fort: +3
Reflex: +16
Will: +15
Feats:
Background – True Believer
1st HD – Ghostly Grasp
3rd HD – Daunting Presence
6th HD – Baleful Moan
1st Class Level – Requiem
3rd Class Level – Necromantic Presence
6th Class Level – Necromantic Might
Flaws:
Noncombatant – You are relatively inept at melee combat (-2 on all melee attack rolls)
Feat Gained: Lifesense
Murky-Eyed – Your vision is obscured (Roll twice to attack opponents with concealment)
Feat Gained: Undead Leadership
Grudge Keeper
You have an overwhelming need for vengeance and have difficulty letting go of grudges.
If you are damaged in combat, you suffer a -2 penalty on attack rolls, skill checks, saving throws, and ability checks until you damage the foe who caused you harm. This penalty does not apply if you cannot discern the source of the damage. This penalty disappears when the combat ends.
Feat Gained: Practiced Spellcaster
Skills: Yes. Let’s just say it as it is. I can roll for ANY skill. Thank you Bardic Knack.
Abilities: Numerous. Post them later. They include Bardic Knack and Inspire Awe. Also, Encore. Which rocks.
Spells: See: Bard list, 2nd level or lower.
Equipment
Body: Entertainer’s Outfit
Head: Circlet of Rapid Casting
Face: -
Neck: Amulet of Natural Armor +4
Arms: Mithral Bells
Hands: Gloves of Dexterity +6
Feet: Boots of Sidestepping
Back: Cloak of Charisma +6
Torso: A strap holding (see below)
Waist: Bagpipes of the Damned
Rings: Rings of Force Armor
Weapon: Dagger of Denial (+1 Unholy Dagger with Spell Like Abilities; Total Attack Bonus: +14; Damage: 1d4+8)
Money: 498 gp
Secondly... *the music to Beverly Hillbillies starts to play*
Come and listen to a story about a man named Jed
Great singing voice, plenty women in his bed
Killed off one night by some jealous dude,
And that’s how he found himself in a dragon’s brood.
Vrtra’s that is, Dragon of Dread, Queen of the Dead.
Well the first thing you know ol Jed's a Haunt there,
Unable to die for reasons he’ll not share.
Said "Undeath is the place that I’d rather be"
So he loaded up on wit to annoy you and me.
Insults, that is. Really bad jokes, and worse puns.
Well now its time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin.
And they would like to thank you folks fer kindly droppin in.
You're all invited back again to this locality
To have a heapin helpin of their hospitality
As Undead that is. Sit a spell. Take your anklebones off.
Y'all come back now, y'hear?
MwhahahahahahaHEEheeHEEhaaa.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Player name: Phule
Character Name: Jed
Aliases: Grave Clown, Killed Joke, Undying Fool, Giggling Guide, Spectral Singer, Secret Keeper
Race: Taunting Haunt (6 HD, LA +2)
Classes: Bard 5 / Dirgesinger 2
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Occupation: Vrtra's Exarch, Her Majesty's Jester, Vecna's Mouthpeice
HP: 90
AC: 35 (normal) ; 26 (touch) ; 27 (flat-footed)
BAB: +5
Appearance: At first glance, Jed looks human. But then you begin to notice the differences. For one, normal human’s don’t float inches above the ground for no reason. For another, normal humans don’t cackle with mad glee when something – anything – dies.
Jed, as undead, is always a bit on the pasty white side. Jed pushes this further by using a special vial of undead clown makeup, painting his face an almost glowing white, a large fake mouth in purple with outlines for the teeth, and a black skull on one eye.
His motley is really, well, motley. Falling apart at the seams, it would seem, is something Jed enjoys. He doesn’t patch any of his black and purple motley, preferring it to be easily seen that there isn’t really skin underneath. Just a ghostly absence of it. He takes care of a few things, however, as he does have a rather unusual collection of magical items.
His gloves are intricately designed to allow maximum mobility, and as he twirls around gleefully in the air, five bells tingle from off his right arm, and six bells from his left. The amulet around his neck seems to strengthen his unearthly skin, and it holds clasped a truly vicious – and impressive – looking cloak. Adorning his pasty white skull is not only an outrageous mane of bright purple hair, but also a simple circlet of gold, whose runes shines oddly in the glint of any light.
The more truly interesting part of Jed’s collection is a black and grey plaid set of bagpipes, the horns of which are made out of hollow bones. Jed is particularly skilled at playing them, and his silver ringed fingers deftly let out an eerie, yet pleasant, tune.
History:
“Shhhh. He’s coming.”
“Grrrraaaa…”
“That’s ‘Grrrraaaa, sir’, to you, buddy.” Something wispy pulled a cord, and there was a splash and a clunk as a bucket of water toppled from a precarious perch onto someone else’s head.
“JED!” Shouted the bucket. “I’m gonna kill you!”
“Can’t kill what’s already dead!” Jeddidiah T. Haunt laughed a mocking laugh and floated up into the air, grabbing at his toes and chest in hilarity. The zombie that had helped go fill the bucket with water gave another unintelligent grunt before staring into space stupidly.
“No, but I can make you go away!” The bucket was still angry.
“Not if you can’t catch me.” With that, Jed floated through the ceiling into the floor above. The zombie was left behind.
“JED!” Bucket-head shouted fruitlessly one more time.
“Oh, what fun it is to be dead.” Jed smiled wistfully. He looked around in this new room and grinned. It was a kitchen, a rare thing in the Queen’s palace of mostly undying ‘living’ dead. Vrtra, Dragon of Dread, Queen of the Dead, did have living servants, but their life expectancy was typically short; though their ‘retirement plan’, as Jed called it, did have some benefits. One of which was that they’d become, at the very least, a mindless zombie when they passed. If they were really good servants, and Her Most Dreadfulness was in (what passed for) a good mood, they might do better than that. Until they died, however, they needed to eat. So therefore there were a couple places in the Necropolis of the Lost where they could make food.
“You know, hoss, we could really stir up some trouble in this kitchen.” Something at Jed’s hip said in a snarky voice.
“Hey, Denny, that’s a good one. Stir up trouble… kitchen!” Jed giggled almost mindlessly. The black dagger at his hip giggled with him. It was strange, but they made a good pair. “So what do you suggest, oh ye of the pointed wit?”
“Well, I say we find out where all the spices are, and switch the labels.”
“Oh, classic. You sir, are truly unholy. The Master of all that is Secret and Hidden would be proud.” Jed, unlike some of Vrtra’s followers, actually believed in gods and goddesses. It all made a certain sense in Jed’s ghostly head, that if there were dragons who owned the world, then they must have taken it from the people who made the world. When Jed was alive, he spread the will of Vecna, god of secrets, to the masses. After being killed and winding up in Vrtra’s service, Jed didn’t see a problem with continued belief. The way Jed saw it was that if Vecna had had a choice, he would be working with – or under – Vrtra as well. So Jed served Vecna by serving Vrtra. Simple.
Jed went about opening and shutting the cabinets and drawers and finally found the spice rack. He and ‘Denny’ – what Jed called his Dagger of Denial friend – made mental notes as to which was which… and then switched the labels.
“Shall we wait, hoss?”
“Oh, yes, lets.” Jed flew up into a cabinet and closed the door, looking around the building for any odd glows of life. Bucket Head was storming around, trying to find where Jed had gone, but Jed wasn’t worried. The idiot was a lowly necromancer who didn’t know better. Jed was a full fledged Exarch of Vrtra, and as such, could handle himself. You don’t get to be so high up in the Necropolis without being useful.
And Jed made himself useful. Oh, sure, he wasn’t the strongest minion, the best fighter, the quickest, or the sneakiest, but Jed knew a lot. Jed felt that Her Majesty did not normally admit lack of knowledge, and Jed was always nearby – could feel her at this very moment, in fact – ready to answer a question about this place or that man or some such, under the careful pretense of her testing him. Or so Jed suspected. She might actually be testing him. Either way, Jed answered as best he could. And if Jed didn’t know, he’d go and find out. Quickly.
On top of that, Jed had always been quite the bit of a performer. Even when alive, Jed could really make a lovely tune on his bagpipes. He almost missed the old bag that was his first set or pipes. But they weren’t made of hollow bones, nor stitched with the sinews of the freshly killed like Jed’s current bagpipes. And while Her Great Undeathness hadn’t said yet that she liked hearing Jed’s ghastly tunes, she had not immediately destroyed him either, nor told him to stop. Jed saw this as a good sign, and whenever Vrtra was in her queenly form, he would play a bit for her… much to some of the other Exarchs’ chagrin. But since Vrtra hadn’t told Jed to stop – yet – he felt confident that all they would do is enjoy his playing in public, and complain about it later if they wanted.
Jed made certain to learn who was complaining. That was the other thing Jed did well. With Denny’s encouragement, Jed went about and collected secrets. Together, the two of them knew which spymaster was cheating with which noble’s wife (or with the noble themselves), which ghoul liked which zombie, and who it was that killed who. Jed then taunted and teased the living ones relentlessly, mostly until they chose to kill themselves. Jed would then get their corpses and possibly their spirits back to Vrtra or one of the better necromancers (definitely not Bucket Head) to have them raised under the Queen of the Dead’s service.
As such, most of the others in Vrtra’s service treated Jed with a certain amount of… feigned respect. Those who didn’t were either secure enough in their position to not care, too stupid to realize that if you treat the Taunting Haunt nicely, he won’t mock you – too much – or they actually did respect Jed for some reason. When Jed found one of these people, undead or otherwise, he was actively elated, and chose to actually give them only a friendly ribbing instead of full out derision. Unless, of course, Vrtra ordered otherwise.
That was the only niggling thing on Jed’s mind. He couldn’t quite remember how he ended up working for Vrtra. Oh, he knew precisely how he died, and the reason why he wouldn’t be moving on to the ‘next world’ anytime soon – not something he’ll ever share with anyone, ever, not even Denny or Vrtra Herself… if she doesn’t know – but after he mocked his murderer into suicide, Jed kind of lost track of time and some of his memory… right up to the point where he found the Necropolis of the Lost and was swearing his, literally, undying service to Her Most Lichiest of Liches.
Jed has, of course, never regretted it. What bard would? There’s a certain amount of job satisfaction when you are a real fool to royalty. You are privy to a great deal of secrets, you get to meet all sorts of interesting people (in Jed’s case, dead people), and so long as you learn where the line is, you can even make fun of your boss - not that Jed has ever tried. Vrtra’s ‘line’ is known only to Vrtra, and Jed doesn’t dare probe into Her Eternal Majesty’s thoughts. Though Jed couldn’t be killed – not really – it was still uncomfortable to rebuild himself from pure essence, and he was quite certain that Vrtra could and would do far worse than that. If nothing else, her displeasure would mean that some of Jed’s toys would get taken away from him.
A human in dark black chain mail walked into the kitchen. His lifeforce was a bright shimmer light for Jed as it moved about making lunch.
Jed liked magical things. He didn’t know why. Even when he was alive, he had a certain fascination for magic and it’s creations. When he joined Vrtra, he was gifted with his bagpipes, and told that they were but a trifling compared to what he could earn if he remained loyal to her. And Jed soon found out this was more than the truth. So he worked hard and enjoyed his tasks for Vrtra, and was rewarded with items for his collection. Right now, Jed was working towards getting a permanent lackey. Denny was nice, but as the dagger was constantly reminding Jed, they were partners, with the dagger being the senior member of the team. So Jed wanted a real minion of his very own to order around when he felt like it. It wasn’t a magical item, sure, but it would be nice. He’d bring it up next time Vrtra was in a giving mood. Or seemed to be in a giving mood. More likely, the next time she asked him what he wanted as a reward for a job well done. Not that she’d be likely to use those exact words.
The more Jed thought about it, the more uncertain he was that he really knew Vrtra. All he knew is that he hadn’t upset her… yet… and wasn’t planning on crossing her… ever. Vecna would be displeased if Jed did. Of that, Jed was certain.
Say, hoss? Should we really have switched the flour with the sugar? Denny thought into Jed’s head.
Jed nodded his head and giggled quietly.
I only say something, cause he’s putting flour all over that sugar cake he’s making… For that matter, what is a big tough blackguard like him doing making a sugar cake?
Jed shrugged, and thought at Denny, Don’t know, but we’ll use it against him later.
That was the other reason Jed stayed here. When Vrtra didn’t need him, he had all sorts of people to torment. It was a good unlife. Jed hoped to keep it that way.
Other notes:
(working on it)
STR: ---
DEX: 26 (+8)
CON: ---
INT: 18 (+4)
WIS: 16 (+3)
CHA: 26 (+8)
Fort: +3
Reflex: +16
Will: +15
Feats:
Background – True Believer
1st HD – Ghostly Grasp
3rd HD – Daunting Presence
6th HD – Baleful Moan
1st Class Level – Requiem
3rd Class Level – Necromantic Presence
6th Class Level – Necromantic Might
Flaws:
Noncombatant – You are relatively inept at melee combat (-2 on all melee attack rolls)
Feat Gained: Lifesense
Murky-Eyed – Your vision is obscured (Roll twice to attack opponents with concealment)
Feat Gained: Undead Leadership
Grudge Keeper
You have an overwhelming need for vengeance and have difficulty letting go of grudges.
If you are damaged in combat, you suffer a -2 penalty on attack rolls, skill checks, saving throws, and ability checks until you damage the foe who caused you harm. This penalty does not apply if you cannot discern the source of the damage. This penalty disappears when the combat ends.
Feat Gained: Practiced Spellcaster
Skills: Yes. Let’s just say it as it is. I can roll for ANY skill. Thank you Bardic Knack.
Abilities: Numerous. Post them later. They include Bardic Knack and Inspire Awe. Also, Encore. Which rocks.
Spells: See: Bard list, 2nd level or lower.
Equipment
Body: Entertainer’s Outfit
Head: Circlet of Rapid Casting
Face: -
Neck: Amulet of Natural Armor +4
Arms: Mithral Bells
Hands: Gloves of Dexterity +6
Feet: Boots of Sidestepping
Back: Cloak of Charisma +6
Torso: A strap holding (see below)
Waist: Bagpipes of the Damned
Rings: Rings of Force Armor
Weapon: Dagger of Denial (+1 Unholy Dagger with Spell Like Abilities; Total Attack Bonus: +14; Damage: 1d4+8)
Money: 498 gp