Post by The Lord of Blades on Sept 8, 2009 14:01:31 GMT -5
I'm going to start off a top ten list topic for people who want to post them.
My Top Ten Worst Video Game Villains (who really tried, sorry Cats, you don't get in here). Oh, and there be spoilers past this point. You've been warned.
10: Bowser - I've never hated this guy. To me, he's just out to get laid, but based on his looks, he can't get any. He's guilty of kidnapping and perhaps rape. Regardless of that, he's pretty clever, and obviously the ruler of a kingdom (as all subjects obey him). Even still, he does his best to defend it from Mario vigilante'ing his way into his lands (it's the mushroom kingdom's problem but rather than go to war with the koopa kingdom they just tell Mario to do it; the equivalent of SuperMan beating up the Russians in the Cold War). Unfortunately, his minions are the hopelessly simple-minded goombas and the diligent but limited Koopa Troopas. Even still, let's look back at that "perhaps rape" again. Peach is always successfully kidnapped. Never once has it been prevented before it happened, and she makes no effort to free herself despite being shown as capable of fighting in some instances (such as Super Mario RPG and Smash Bros). These two lead me to believe that this might be something Peach enjoys, further reducing Bowser as the villain figure besides his typecasting due to the player's perspective of events from Mario's viewpoint. Sure, he's done some villainous deeds in something like Mario64 or the like, but at this point? He owes Mario several several games worth of cock-blocking. Bowser isn't a villain but he's often painted as a bad guy. Nope, this guy is a terrible villain because I both pity and sympathize with him that the guy being an asshole (running around your kingdom, burning shit down, killing your loyal subjects, breaking into your home, stealing your girlfriend [Because let's face it, Peach spends more time around Bowser than she does around Mario], beating the crap out of you, and then leaving like HE is the hero) is the 'hero'. Bowser even lives out of the way. WORLDS away. Maybe Mario should pull a Dr. Manhattan and just decide to stop getting involved in the politics of these nations! Bowser gets #10 because as villains go, his only really villainous features are being pissed at Mario (and returning a mere fraction of the shit Mario causes for him) and looking monstrous (which makes us more villainous for judging him by his looks!)
9: Dolf / Kane (Vandal Hearts) - I can't even remember why these two guys were supposed to be villains. That's how much they failed at being evil. It was never even an issue of: "Man I need to beat these guys." There was some henchmen named Xenu that was far more evil and even he was lackluster. All in all, these two were so forgettable in a game that tried to be serious, that leaves them low on this list. They get ninth only because to put them at the front or very end of the list would give them too much attention.
8: Sydonai (Hellgate: London) - You don't even really get to see this guy til the end, and you don't give a damn about it then. He's just a really really blown up oversized demon that's in charge of hell. You don't even really get to fight him, some sparkly-infused girl flying around (for vague reasons) attacks him with energy, then when that fails, pours the energy into you so you can kill him. It's... disappointing. There's no feel of an epic clash inside hell itself at all. I found myself just killing him for the sake 'finishing the game'. There just wasn't enough villainous stuff attributed to this guy, and the ending of the game being as jumbled as it is didn't help either.
7: Exdeath (Final Fantasy V) - This is what happens if you let kids name themselves. They come up with something crazy like SuperDeathbringerAmazing or, as seen here, X-DEATH or something. He definitely named himself, made from Enuo's malice, yet all he does is sort of harp on about the void which Enuo mastered and Exdeath struggles with. He's a ghost of a villain with a crappy name and ultimately forgettable and uninspired as villains go because of it. When you can't take a villain seriously because of his own name, things go downhill. Imagine if Sephiroth had been named: "Killmaster". You'd never be able to talk about him without laughing at (not with) him. Sorry Exdeath, Enuo should've been the villain.
6: Bacterion (Gradius) - Oh Bacterion, you massively overgrown (usually a brain) beast that sits there unmoving in the heart of its nightmarish fortresses. While it is true, that Bacterion is responsible for all the hellish suffering you've slaved through to get to, he himself is little in the way of villainy. Usually it doesn't attack and it will, in any game, die on its own within a minute or two. It's just so anticlimatic to fight this thing at the end of any Gradius game. You've fought through hellish legions and twisted machine nightmares, and then there's useless creature. It truly is the brains behind the brawn, but at the same time, what you want at the end of a game is an actual fight! This should be the culmination of all your battles. But no, Bacterion just sits there and talks about how it will return, usually in a voice you can't understand anyway. What a downer after all that work to get to it.
5: Zophar (Lunar Eternal Blue) - A good villain to be sure, but he's just such a cliche "force of darkness" that when you finally see him and listen to his rants about destroying the world... it's just kind of boring. Not to mention the first time you see him in person he's an androgynous looking plant-thing. His one crowning moment that keeps him from falling lower is when he taunts a character to destroy him, gleefully embracing its destruction because if the char. destroys him, it will destroy everyone else on the planet, including the character's friends. When the character hesitates, Zophar even decides to help out, launching an energy blast to kill the friends and 'remove the source of hesitation'. This is his one and only crowning moment of evil, but it just isn't enough to keep him off the list.
4: Orochi (Warriors Orochi) - He wants to fight, so he gathers up a bunch of his snake-like minions (including one named Bushmaster, generating laughter every time he is encountered) and mashed two worlds together that had the best fighters imaginable. He seems to radiate a palpable death-wish, as though dying to the hands of another would be excellent, yet he happily goes and conquers and kills everyone. You'd think he'd walk around army-less just to challenge Lu Bu and Tadakatsu Honda because they're clearly the two strongest by a mile. Those three could engage in a battle for eternity and have a blast. Of course, this, and his not sexing up Da Ji (a total hottie in the game) put Orochi as one of the less interesting and compelling villains. He was only really there to give you a different group of enemies to fight other than Chinese Vs. Japanese.
3: Dormin (Shadow of the Colossus) - What the hell did this guy even do? He revives Wanderer's loved one but everyone seems to hate him. He also sent you to go kill 16 colossi and those fights are the only mildly entertaining part of an otherwise disinteresting game. Maybe those assholes who banish him at the end of the game were thinking: "OH SHIT HE MIGHT PUT SOMETHING IN THIS WORLD BESIDES PLANTS AND LIZARDS! KILL HIM!" No, this guy sucks as a villain. I hated everyone else in that game, this guy is 'technically' all the colossi in one combined form too, so he encompasses the only GOOD parts of this game. Not villainous at all, even as he's being banished he still revives the girl and spares Wanderer. Holy shit how much less of a villain could he be?
2: -
1: Kuja (Final Fantasy 9) - Without a doubt the worst villain, Kuja is a villain I hate for being the villain. I wanted him to join my party and be that cait-sith like character I never used. When you first see him there's legitimate confusion over what gender he is, and you're usually pretty disappointed when you find out that he is, indeed, a "he". His wardrobe is equally awful to behold, generally making it unpleasant to look at him. Gone is the daunting Sephiroth, the insane Kefka, the imposing Golbez, the evil Chaos, instead we have a crossdesser. Kuja spends the game manipulating people because he lacks the might for a direct confrontation with his foes. That is, however, until he decides to Trance. Ya know, that thing you've been doing since the beginning of the game. Basically the villain's form of super-power-up in this game is as simple, logical, and ridiculous as if you had played the game without equipment and then decided you were going to unleash "Super mode" by actually equipping armor and weapons.
I expect more from my villains, and this was, without a doubt, not delivered on. Hell, even Yu Yevon wasn't that much of a loser, his being weak could at least be attributed to a game heavy on over-powering characters and on him being deprived of his super powered Sin-Armor. No, Kuja just sort of dicks around (hopefully not literally) until your party shows up, then taunts you, then leaves. Any time the main villain shows up and the only thing that comes to mind is: "Let me fight and kill this asshole." and the game doesn't let you is just embarassing. Especially because if you think of him without his Trance power-up, you probably could take him much earlier. All in all, a truly lame-ass way to power up an enemy for a boss and it is just one enormous embarassment in all.
At least Ultimecia you can go back and see her influence throughout FF8, same for Zeromus in FF4. Kuja, all you see if you replay is the numerous situations where you could (and should) have kicked his ass throughout the game.
My Top Ten Worst Video Game Villains (who really tried, sorry Cats, you don't get in here). Oh, and there be spoilers past this point. You've been warned.
10: Bowser - I've never hated this guy. To me, he's just out to get laid, but based on his looks, he can't get any. He's guilty of kidnapping and perhaps rape. Regardless of that, he's pretty clever, and obviously the ruler of a kingdom (as all subjects obey him). Even still, he does his best to defend it from Mario vigilante'ing his way into his lands (it's the mushroom kingdom's problem but rather than go to war with the koopa kingdom they just tell Mario to do it; the equivalent of SuperMan beating up the Russians in the Cold War). Unfortunately, his minions are the hopelessly simple-minded goombas and the diligent but limited Koopa Troopas. Even still, let's look back at that "perhaps rape" again. Peach is always successfully kidnapped. Never once has it been prevented before it happened, and she makes no effort to free herself despite being shown as capable of fighting in some instances (such as Super Mario RPG and Smash Bros). These two lead me to believe that this might be something Peach enjoys, further reducing Bowser as the villain figure besides his typecasting due to the player's perspective of events from Mario's viewpoint. Sure, he's done some villainous deeds in something like Mario64 or the like, but at this point? He owes Mario several several games worth of cock-blocking. Bowser isn't a villain but he's often painted as a bad guy. Nope, this guy is a terrible villain because I both pity and sympathize with him that the guy being an asshole (running around your kingdom, burning shit down, killing your loyal subjects, breaking into your home, stealing your girlfriend [Because let's face it, Peach spends more time around Bowser than she does around Mario], beating the crap out of you, and then leaving like HE is the hero) is the 'hero'. Bowser even lives out of the way. WORLDS away. Maybe Mario should pull a Dr. Manhattan and just decide to stop getting involved in the politics of these nations! Bowser gets #10 because as villains go, his only really villainous features are being pissed at Mario (and returning a mere fraction of the shit Mario causes for him) and looking monstrous (which makes us more villainous for judging him by his looks!)
9: Dolf / Kane (Vandal Hearts) - I can't even remember why these two guys were supposed to be villains. That's how much they failed at being evil. It was never even an issue of: "Man I need to beat these guys." There was some henchmen named Xenu that was far more evil and even he was lackluster. All in all, these two were so forgettable in a game that tried to be serious, that leaves them low on this list. They get ninth only because to put them at the front or very end of the list would give them too much attention.
8: Sydonai (Hellgate: London) - You don't even really get to see this guy til the end, and you don't give a damn about it then. He's just a really really blown up oversized demon that's in charge of hell. You don't even really get to fight him, some sparkly-infused girl flying around (for vague reasons) attacks him with energy, then when that fails, pours the energy into you so you can kill him. It's... disappointing. There's no feel of an epic clash inside hell itself at all. I found myself just killing him for the sake 'finishing the game'. There just wasn't enough villainous stuff attributed to this guy, and the ending of the game being as jumbled as it is didn't help either.
7: Exdeath (Final Fantasy V) - This is what happens if you let kids name themselves. They come up with something crazy like SuperDeathbringerAmazing or, as seen here, X-DEATH or something. He definitely named himself, made from Enuo's malice, yet all he does is sort of harp on about the void which Enuo mastered and Exdeath struggles with. He's a ghost of a villain with a crappy name and ultimately forgettable and uninspired as villains go because of it. When you can't take a villain seriously because of his own name, things go downhill. Imagine if Sephiroth had been named: "Killmaster". You'd never be able to talk about him without laughing at (not with) him. Sorry Exdeath, Enuo should've been the villain.
6: Bacterion (Gradius) - Oh Bacterion, you massively overgrown (usually a brain) beast that sits there unmoving in the heart of its nightmarish fortresses. While it is true, that Bacterion is responsible for all the hellish suffering you've slaved through to get to, he himself is little in the way of villainy. Usually it doesn't attack and it will, in any game, die on its own within a minute or two. It's just so anticlimatic to fight this thing at the end of any Gradius game. You've fought through hellish legions and twisted machine nightmares, and then there's useless creature. It truly is the brains behind the brawn, but at the same time, what you want at the end of a game is an actual fight! This should be the culmination of all your battles. But no, Bacterion just sits there and talks about how it will return, usually in a voice you can't understand anyway. What a downer after all that work to get to it.
5: Zophar (Lunar Eternal Blue) - A good villain to be sure, but he's just such a cliche "force of darkness" that when you finally see him and listen to his rants about destroying the world... it's just kind of boring. Not to mention the first time you see him in person he's an androgynous looking plant-thing. His one crowning moment that keeps him from falling lower is when he taunts a character to destroy him, gleefully embracing its destruction because if the char. destroys him, it will destroy everyone else on the planet, including the character's friends. When the character hesitates, Zophar even decides to help out, launching an energy blast to kill the friends and 'remove the source of hesitation'. This is his one and only crowning moment of evil, but it just isn't enough to keep him off the list.
4: Orochi (Warriors Orochi) - He wants to fight, so he gathers up a bunch of his snake-like minions (including one named Bushmaster, generating laughter every time he is encountered) and mashed two worlds together that had the best fighters imaginable. He seems to radiate a palpable death-wish, as though dying to the hands of another would be excellent, yet he happily goes and conquers and kills everyone. You'd think he'd walk around army-less just to challenge Lu Bu and Tadakatsu Honda because they're clearly the two strongest by a mile. Those three could engage in a battle for eternity and have a blast. Of course, this, and his not sexing up Da Ji (a total hottie in the game) put Orochi as one of the less interesting and compelling villains. He was only really there to give you a different group of enemies to fight other than Chinese Vs. Japanese.
3: Dormin (Shadow of the Colossus) - What the hell did this guy even do? He revives Wanderer's loved one but everyone seems to hate him. He also sent you to go kill 16 colossi and those fights are the only mildly entertaining part of an otherwise disinteresting game. Maybe those assholes who banish him at the end of the game were thinking: "OH SHIT HE MIGHT PUT SOMETHING IN THIS WORLD BESIDES PLANTS AND LIZARDS! KILL HIM!" No, this guy sucks as a villain. I hated everyone else in that game, this guy is 'technically' all the colossi in one combined form too, so he encompasses the only GOOD parts of this game. Not villainous at all, even as he's being banished he still revives the girl and spares Wanderer. Holy shit how much less of a villain could he be?
2: -
1: Kuja (Final Fantasy 9) - Without a doubt the worst villain, Kuja is a villain I hate for being the villain. I wanted him to join my party and be that cait-sith like character I never used. When you first see him there's legitimate confusion over what gender he is, and you're usually pretty disappointed when you find out that he is, indeed, a "he". His wardrobe is equally awful to behold, generally making it unpleasant to look at him. Gone is the daunting Sephiroth, the insane Kefka, the imposing Golbez, the evil Chaos, instead we have a crossdesser. Kuja spends the game manipulating people because he lacks the might for a direct confrontation with his foes. That is, however, until he decides to Trance. Ya know, that thing you've been doing since the beginning of the game. Basically the villain's form of super-power-up in this game is as simple, logical, and ridiculous as if you had played the game without equipment and then decided you were going to unleash "Super mode" by actually equipping armor and weapons.
I expect more from my villains, and this was, without a doubt, not delivered on. Hell, even Yu Yevon wasn't that much of a loser, his being weak could at least be attributed to a game heavy on over-powering characters and on him being deprived of his super powered Sin-Armor. No, Kuja just sort of dicks around (hopefully not literally) until your party shows up, then taunts you, then leaves. Any time the main villain shows up and the only thing that comes to mind is: "Let me fight and kill this asshole." and the game doesn't let you is just embarassing. Especially because if you think of him without his Trance power-up, you probably could take him much earlier. All in all, a truly lame-ass way to power up an enemy for a boss and it is just one enormous embarassment in all.
At least Ultimecia you can go back and see her influence throughout FF8, same for Zeromus in FF4. Kuja, all you see if you replay is the numerous situations where you could (and should) have kicked his ass throughout the game.